Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
