"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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