our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize