what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shame - the story of my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
