discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
