Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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