STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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