Four minutes until I can fart!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
