I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
