I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
