It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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