so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize