The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this boner is exhausting
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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