I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
