and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
