It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
