Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
