Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
