I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
