I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
