What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
