I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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