We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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