I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
