How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
