At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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