after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
