He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
