and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
