Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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