you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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