I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
