I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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