just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
