I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
