There was a lot of him and a little penis
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
