Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
