There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
