I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
