Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize