Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
