Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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