I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
