the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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