I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
