So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
