thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
