Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just high enough for therapy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
