I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
