So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
