Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
