Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
