Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
