then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
