I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
