I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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