office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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