She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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