I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
