Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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