I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
one might say we're banned from that church
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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