I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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