So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
