yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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