He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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