happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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