Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Congratulations! We have a period
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