We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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