it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
