we have officially lost it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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