I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
