I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
