This girl is more easily done than said...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
