Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
