As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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