my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
