Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
