my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
