just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
