I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
