We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
