hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
