Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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