So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
