I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
