I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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