he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
