It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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