OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize