And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
