promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
