Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
