I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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