peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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