the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
