God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
