Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
